I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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