my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
