No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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