I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
