A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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