You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
