I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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