i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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