he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
