do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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