i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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