My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
