Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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