You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
