Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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