my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
