And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
