So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
