My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize