I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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