So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize