every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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