I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
