Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
