soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
