it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
