I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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