There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
