Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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