That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
