at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
