I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
