A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
