We're facebook friends in real life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
