okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
