with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
