So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
