I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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