Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
