do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
