Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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