What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think i have two assholes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
