So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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