My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
