Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
