Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
