yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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