Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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