weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
