Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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