the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize