Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
