Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
