bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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