coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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