Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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