I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
