marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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