You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
