I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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