We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
