So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize