i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
