i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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