she woke up with a sticky ear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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