I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how does that bad decision feel?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
