oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
