so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
